Today I noticed my brother was a little down in spirit so I inquired him concerning it. He then proceeded to tell me that he was down because of the spiritual immaturity of his fellow church members that are his age. More so with their inability in showing a strong longing for the Divine Being, while instead showing their love for this world by quoting its ways and jesting with the words and wisdom of this world also, showing no spiritual discernment that all this was being done at the expense of enjoying wicked things. Apparently the kids from this church saw a movie that was questionable at best. The movie, although well acted and written, was producing comic relief at the cost of doing it through obvious course and sexual joking. He left the theater feeling slightly hindered from his walk and love with God.  All the others with him didn’t feel the same way, they said they enjoyed the movie and found nothing wrong or evil with it. This happened yesterday.

          Today at lunch after attending the Sunday worship and preaching the same kids all participated in quoting the movie which they had saw the previous day, including the cores jokes in front of the presence of women. This is what really caused my brother to struggle with some spiritual depression. The kids say the movie did not negatively affect them, yet the next day it lead them to sin when they started quoted the movies course jesting, which Ephesians chapters 4 and 5 explicitly warns us not to do, and strictly commands us not to do.

          I say all this because I have the same experience quite often. The feeling is basically loneliness. I feel I have no one, other than my brother, to lean on for spiritual help and refreshment in the Holy Spirit. Even the so-called mature Christians that are praised as mature, seem only to hinder me in my love for God. They are a hindrance to me in this way. More often than not I walk away from these so-called Christians filled up with more worldliness than Godliness. They talk MORE about this world than they do of God. They say they love God above all things, Yet the talk about God and their Love for God least of things compare to others things.  These people are always longing to entertain them selves by endless worldly means. Although many of those things in themselves are not evil, yet with the amount of energy they pursue them compared to the lack of energy they pursue knowing God they make them evil, very evil. Then if this was not evil enough, the few evil things in these entertainments they experience they are far to eager to set them to memory and to find pleasure, not in Holy things, but in quoting preserves and wicked joking. I am reminded of the old puritan writer John Owens and His wisdom on this topic.

“The most of our spiritual decays and barrenness arise from an [excessive] admission of other things into our minds; for these are they that weaken grace in all its operations. But when the mind is filled with thoughts of Christ and his glory, when the soul thereon cleaves unto him with intense affections, they will cast out, or not give admittance unto, those causes of spiritual weakness and indisposition. See Col. 3: 1-5; Eph. 5: 8.”

          Later that night I was with my brother coming home after coming form grocery shopping.  Upon exiting the store we were greeting by the most wonderful display of Gods Glory illuminated in the sky above. There for all to see and admire was the sunset setting in all its Glory and colors and in the background was beautiful palm trees. Then above all that splendor, there was also to our surprise, a crescent moon and near by Venus to greet us. It was breath taking to see. Both my brother and I pointed up at the sky to tell each other how much we were in aw of such majestic beauty. For we felt we had stepped out and for a brief moment saw the edge of Gods Holy temple. I felt as though the whole world stop, along with all its cares and problems, for I was in the presence of the Lord of Lords the creator all my soul and of all good things. I felt I was doing what I was created to do, for which the very fabric of the universe was knit together. To admire, enjoy, tremble, see and marvel at the Glory of Jesus Christ.

            But at the same time I knew 99% of the people entering and exiting that store did not notice or did not wish to notice the Glory which God which He painted in the sky for His Children to enjoy. For most of them are hopelessly in love with the lazy and entertaining pleasures of this world to notice the seriousness and Glory of Jesus Christ. Even for the saints it seems they struggle to spend more the 10 seconds admiring deeply about the things of God. This ought not to be.

           Again I felt alone, I felt my loneliness and her cold fingers grab my hand again. Oh God if this is to be my battleground, then keep Oh God, keep me.  Oh how I long to have Godly brothers and sisters who would be a blessing to me and not a hindrance to me. I perfectly know after reading the conversation with Jeremiah and God that I am not the only one for God said, “I have reserved for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.”

Still at times I fell alone in my fight to, “lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith”. To little do people seek God with their, “whole heart”. They have the vain notion that it is ok if once you put your hand to the plow to look back and enjoy a flew last fleeting pleasures before leaving this world. Jesus made clear what their fate would be.

  I do not say these things as if I am above it, but the contrary I find myself the king to falling prey to being filled with worldliness. Because I am prone to worldliness, being with others who are is unhelpful and hurtful to me.

To really sum it up I feel the most loneliness when my fellow Christians and Church members, which I long to be a means of Grace in my life to help me fight sin and grow in love for God, are too caught up with worldly entertainments to be any use to me in this area. I find I often must choose isolation over spending time with my church members to in order to concentrate on the Living God. It seems unless they are at the Sunday morning service and or for very quick and brief moments during the week they are completely unaware of deep and grand Spiritual things. They talk enough about church and religion but the soberness of which Titus commands us to have in order to be a real encouragement in real faith found in Lord Jesus, they lack most often. How little do I find these other Christians expound on a verse the read about the Wonder of Jesus Christ and how this enlarged their heart toward the living God. I find this is due because they are too busy pursuing trivial or Worldly entertainments over seeking with all “diligence” and with their “whole heart” for a Closer communion with the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank God continually for my twin Brother who is a wonderful Godly influence in my life. I would not have made this far with out such a solid means of Grace in my life.

            How I long for my fellow saints to give up pursuing trivial and Worldly entertainments more than pursuing Fellowship with our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh Lord instill a “heart like King David” into the hearts of myself and  of all your saints especially in America, so that we might awake at the midnight so wecould only but meditate and praise the Lord God the Fountain of Living Waters.

“Oh Lord have mercy on me that my destiny would not be the same as theirs, for my soul is too evil to be left to itself.  Without Your sustaining grace I would become as vain as dirt or as evil as a devil.   I You are my only hope. Forgive me for my wordiness I put in my own heart in even in others!  Forgive me of pride for thinking I am the only one. When You the Almighty God have keep perfectly so many by Your grace. Help me to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares [me], and let me run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith”. Help me not to feel alone but instead may your Holy Spirit be all I need to comfort my soul in this world. I am weak but you are Strong. I am broken and fragile but You Lord are Kind and full of abundant grace.   Cause me to walk with humility on the road you set out before me.  May my life be used to bring You Glory as you kindly cause my life to be used to lead others to forsake this world and for joy sell all they have that they may know You, to be near to the Lion of Judea.  May my life be used to tell of your Fame and Glory, and bring the saints to trust You more and to Love You with their, “whole heart”.

Oh Jesus Christ You are my portion. Fill me Your words and Holy Spirit. For You are my best and most cherishest thought. To God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit be all Glory and praise for all times and forever. Oh Jesus, Come soon like you Promised, for may faith wanes and my eyes long to see the King of the Universe, the king of my heart! Amen."